Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize