these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
