Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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