I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
