in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize