My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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