Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she was so not down for the gang bang
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
