I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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