Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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