He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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