perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
