I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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