you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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