You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
