i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
