Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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