I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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