arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
