Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My ATM looks so different sober.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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