i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
