dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
