Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
