I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
