By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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