Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
