I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
