I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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