Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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