hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
