carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize