The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
