so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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