There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
