I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
