There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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