your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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