Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize