capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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