I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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