I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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