someone owes me an orgasm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
