I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
