We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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