the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
