I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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