Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
