So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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