who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
