fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
false alarm, still single
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
