When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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