im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
