I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
