4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
