Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
