Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
