Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
