yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
