Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
