...so i touched it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
