'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
