i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
