Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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