i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
