no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Couch. On fire.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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