I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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