You're my little dorito
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
