Im at strip club and am horny
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
