If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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