Even the bartender felt bad for me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
