Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
