I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
