Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
