I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
