"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
