I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize