um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
