There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
