I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
