I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
