time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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