if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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