Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
