its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Less talking, more tequila
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
