im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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