I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
