I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
