watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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