Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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