i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
