she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
