HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
