So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's never too late to be topless.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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