Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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