I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
