where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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