Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize