YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
