Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
