Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
